Wife and husband jokes
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| Wife and husband jokes |
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. (Erma Bombeck)
He that displays too often his wife and his wallet is in danger of having both of them borrowed. (Benjamin Franklin)
I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me 'understand' something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
A man who is eating or lying with his wife or preparing to go to sleep in humility, thankfulness and temperance, is, by Christian standards, in an infinitely higher state than one who is listening to Bach or reading Plato in a state of pride. (C. S. Lewis)
The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself. (Voltaire)
People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. (Erma Bombeck)
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. (H. L. Mencken)
Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me. (Orson Welles)
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. (Michel de Montaigne)
After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her. (Helen Rowland)
When you have a godly husband, a godly wife, children who respect their parents and who are loved by their parents, who provide for those children their physical and spiritual and material needs, lovingly, you have the idea unit. (Jerry Falwell)
I promise to be an excellent husband, but give me a wife who, like the moon, will not appear every day in my sky. (Anton Chekhov)
A husband who submits to his wife's yoke is justly held an object of ridicule. A woman's influence ought to be entirely concealed. (Honore De Balzac)